i-stopped-breastfeeding-my-son
Mommy Life, Mommy's Reflections

The Day I Stopped Breastfeeding My Son

If you frequently visit and read my blog, you may already know how eager I am to pursue breastfeeding my first born for at least up to his second birthday. I am so keen and dedicated to it that it’s taken a big part for me to have finally decided to quit the corporate work that I have at that time. So this post is a heartbreaking entry for me, as I am now writing about the day I stopped breastfeeding my son.

i-stopped-breastfeeding-my-son

 

Four months after I left my corporate work to be a work-at-home-momma, I got pregnant for the second time. I was honestly  anxious about my second pregnancy. The hang-over of being a first-time momma to Gabriel hasn’t faded yet (and I don’t think it will ever fade). My focus, my world has been revolving around my little man. So when I saw two red lines in the pregnancy test kit that I used, I was so guilty! Especially when I realized that my second pregnancy might end the breastfeeding journey of my son and I.

Upon knowing about my early pregnancy, my husband and I visited a doctor at the nearby hospital. I was at first hesitant to tell the doctor that I am still breastfeeding my then 16 months old toddler. But I still did anyway. I was hoping that the OB would tell me to go ahead and breastfeed my son but she instead told me that I really had to stop or it may cause me my second child’s life. I was about to cry that moment but I managed to hold it for a while until we got home.

For someone who has fought hard – plugged ducts of at least twice or thrice a month and up to my 8th month of post-partum, mastitis, low milk supply, judgment from people telling me that my milk’s not enough and not nutritious for my son – all that…. For someone who gave up a lot of things to successfully breastfeed her little one… Being told that it is INDEED time to STOP breastfeeding is a devastating news. It added more pain and guilt in my heart. My son is a breastmilk monster. He had no signs of weaning. And I told myself that as long as I have milk, and until he voluntarily weans, I will keep on breastfeeding him. It was my promise to my first born. And I didn’t want to fail him.

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I am very passionate about breastfeeding Gabriel. Our bonds are extra special because of it.

Anyway, I was hard-headed and hid the advice of my OB. Instead, I sought advice and inspirational stories of Moms who were able to breastfeed their older babies while they were pregnant. I wanted to know successful stories of Moms who were able to tandem feed. And fortunately, I was able to find a few on some online mommy groups on Facebook! They told that it is possible as long as there are no complications with the current pregnancy – no bleeding, no spotting, and no contractions – I can continue to breastfeed like they did.

And so I did! I just managed to limit his latching time to just morning and bedtime (to put him to sleep). I guess I am that attached to the idea, or my promise rather, that I will breastfeed Gabriel up to two years!

Come to the end of my first trimester, his latch has become more painful. And contractions came into the picture. Those days were scary. Though I didn’t have any bleeding or spotting, I feared that the life inside me is being harmed. I feared for the life of my Gabriel’s baby sister (again, I am assuming and claiming that I am carrying a baby girl right now hehe).

And so 10th of November 2016 was the day, that I finally have decided that I NEED to STOP breastfeeding. It was a bit of an emotional day for me as I broke my promise to my son. There’s a part of me that tells me that I have failed him.

I had to forcibly wean him and it was a hard thing to do. I had to hide my breasts from him and I had to hide from him where he cannot see his momma while his daddy tries to put him to sleep. His loud cries during the first nights were so heartbreaking.

There was even one night (the second or third night, I think) where he really wants to latch but I kept on saying no. He was looking into my eyes as if telling me to please allow him to do so, so he can finally sleep. πŸ™ That night, he fell asleep holding just my hand.

Though we bought a formula milk for him, I knew it would take some time for him to get used to not latch on my breast anymore. He’s not even used to feeding bottles with nipples anymore. We mix his milk in a glass or bottle and put a straw on it so he’ll just sip.

Right now, there are still times when he would pull up my shirt as if trying if I will still allow him to latch on my breast but I have to resist and tell him the word NO. I think he understands already as he wouldn’t insist anymore unlike the first few days of forcibly weaning him. It makes me a bit sad but I always tell him that I love him so much in spite of me breaking a promise so dear for him and me.

I know I’ve made the right decision and I know it will be for the best. After all, fed is best, diba? I’ve fought so hard for this breastfeeding journey and it was a long fight I must say. At least I did try. Hanggang dito na lang talaga eh. Babawi na lang ako paglabas ng second baby. πŸ™‚

This second pregnancy of mine gives me a lot of emotional days and I hate it sometimes. Parang ang OA ko na minsan noh? Tumigil lang magpa-breastfeed, umiiyak iyak na. Lol. But this, I guess, is really in my personality. That when I’ve set my goals in my mind, I really pour all my heart and energy to it in order to achieve it – as in no holds barred. Bigay kung bigay! Hehe

If you ever know someone with the same story as mine and you’re wondering why it seems like a big deal that their breastfeeding journey is coming to an end and they’ve become a little bit (or too) emotional about it, just hug them tight. Breastfeeding is not an easy journey talaga. Sobrang dami ng struggles.

Kudos to all the padede mommas!

Live. Laugh. Love. Write. Pray.

Mommy Mitch

43 Comments

  1. loveyourhealth

    nakakaiyak, pero ganun talaga. buti ok na si Gabi… stay strong!

    1. Thanks for dropping by, ate. Oo nga eh. It was a hard decision talaga lalo na na-set ko yung isip ko na tutuparin ko yung promise ko for him na at least 2 years. But God has better plans. That’s for sure. πŸ™‚

    2. Kat

      Hi ? i breastfed through my pregnancy and tandem fed for over a year… i understand how challenging and heartbreaking it must have been for you to force wean but glad that worked for you (?). I just noticed though that you bought formula and mentioned about “fed is best”… your baby is 16mos and thriving ? he is the same age as my youngest who since 13mos refused to take expressed breastmilk when i am away. So she just ate nutrient packed indigenous food the Tamang Kain way and just waits for me to come home. Milk takes a backseat when your baby turns 1. Their source of nutrition shifts to solids and that is really good news to breastfeeding working moms as it alleviates the pressure of producing a lot of milk. I hope you reconsider introducing artifical bottles/fm to your baby ? who knows… he might latch on again when his sister is born.

  2. loveyourhealth

    bawi ka nalng kay beybi girl! <3 <3 <3

  3. Ion

    Hi mommy! Thank you for this post. My kid is turning two and I was thinking of weaning him na. But reading your post, I felt a little guilty. Maybe I should just let him take the lead when it comes to weaning πŸ™‚

    And P.S., you’re not OA just because you’re grieving the end of your breastfeeding journey. I read somewhere that moms who stop breastfeeding usually get depressed for a time because of hormonal changes. You’ll feel better soon. and good luck on the new baby! πŸ™‚

    1. Aww… Thank you for your kind words, Mommy! Not everyone will understand kasi yung emotion that us, mothers, go through when we have to wean our baby or they have weaned voluntarily. And yes, let your baby wean voluntarily na lang. You’ve made it that far naman na, so keep going lang, Mommy! <3

  4. I started reading a few articles re pregnant moms breastfeeding as this topic is something important to me. My baby is turning 16 months and I still breastfeed him. We bought him formula but he just dismissed the thought. He still runs to me for milk. There were nights as well when he slept with his papa and he would wail asking for me. I would always pick him up and feed him, neverminding the contraction I was feeling that moment. It was hard. It is hard. But I am determined to breastfeed him until he is ready to wean or ready with his formula milk. I would want to tell myself I can take all the pain and hurt and spare my son of the trouble.

    1. Hello Momi Berlin! Thank you for sharing your story. Ang hirap rin talaga ng ganitong situation noh? It took me about 2 weeks before he’s finally weaned from my breast. That was 2 long weeks of crying and begging for me to let him latch because he really wanted to. Pero kailangan na kasing i-wean talaga sya. πŸ™ Anyway, is my understanding correct? May kasunod na si baby bunso number 4? Or this is the story of your 2nd or 3rd son? πŸ™‚

      1. Yes, im pregnant again and super unexpected. Though I tried to wean my now 17month baby, It was just too hard. We went back to breastfeeding, though he always has a formula milk readily available just in case I need to really pull myself out. I guess I am not yet ready to wean him.

  5. Maybe it is because of the hormones kaya ka emotional. Don’t feel bad, you’ve tried your best but you also need to think about your health and the baby inside. In time, masasanay din si firstborn sa formula milk.

    1. Oo nga eh. Emotional pa naman pag buntis. Right now, he’s eating more solids naman na. Good thing hindi sya dependent sa milk na sa ngayon kasi mahal ang milk! Hahaha

  6. Janice

    Awww how sad. I feel you although I’ve only started breastfeeding my son exclusively since he was born almost 3 months ago. For my first three kids kasi, it was mixed feeding from the get go and I stopped breastfeeding after a month when I went back to work. Now lang exclusive breastfeeding talaga with my fourth child. It was really hard for me at first but since I’m more educated about breastfeeding now and have a support group, I was really committed to doing it. It got a lot better after the first month. Now I actually love it because nga of the bonding experience. I knew that it’s great for bonding with the baby from what I’ve heard lang before but I didn’t expect it would feel this way talaga. I love breastfeeding now and honestly rethinking my initial goal of only trying it out for 6 months. Now I want to wait na until he self weans too. Anyway, I know it’s hard but we moms gotta do what we gotta do. Isipin mo na lang, you had to stop not because you wanted to but because of your new baby. Hugs to you!

    1. Go Mommy! Totoo, iba yung bonding experience when you breastfeed your baby. And infairness, hindi sakiting baby si Gabriel. I believe it’s because I breastfed him. He’s extra healthy and active. There will be times lang talaga na nakaka-drain ang magpa-breastfeed especially when the baby’s on growth spurt. Pero when they start eating solid foods naman na, mas less demanding na sila sa milk natin. πŸ™‚

  7. My story’s a bit different. Nate is still breastfeeding at 2 yr and 7 months. A lot of people tell me to stop already and even I myself sometimes feel the need to stop him already. However, breastfeeding is like his comfort zone, it’s his first aid kit, his pain reliever and now, I have more control on breastfeeding, it’s not as often as before pero he still BF, really. By the end of this month, during Kid’s Camp, I will try to wean him and hope it all goes well.

    1. That’s a common reaction from people lalo na sa matatanda kapag nalaman nila na nagpapa-breastfeed ka pa rin after a year or two. I received quite a lot of discouragement even before. Pero hindi pa rin ako tumigil. Ngayon lang talaga. Anyway, 2 yrs and 7 months is such a milestone!! Congrats sis! Kaya pala super sexy! <3

  8. I understand what you feel, just don’t be too hard on yourself. All things happen for a reason and what we just need to do is pray and accept what’s going on.

    1. Thanks Mommy Levy! πŸ™‚

  9. ceemee

    Awww…. I had to forcibly wean my last kid, too, because I had to take meds na that’s not safe for breastfeeding. It was indeed heartbreaking. The night she stopped, she cried and cried. I cried and cried, too. then, she fell asleep on my hubby’s chest.

  10. I wasn’t able to breastfeed our eldest, but I was able to breastfeed my bunso. It was a battle talaga, but we were able to do it until he was a little over 2 years old! Naiyak lang ako because breastfeeding time has become a norm for us that when he decided to wean, nagkaroon ako ng separation anxiety. Haha!

    1. Me, too! Na-sepanx din talaga ako sa pagbe-breastfeed kay LO ko noon. Hihi

  11. I admire breastfeeding moms talaga especially those na nakapag patuloy until mag 2 years old ang baby. Getting pregnant at only 17 yrs old, 10 yrs ago, I did not know the importance of breastfeeding. I had an abundant supply but stopped when my girl was only 5 months old because she was mix-fed. She preferred yung formula milk na. Or maybe I lacked knowledge lang talaga about BF. With my second child naman, I had low milk supply kaya one month pa lang sya, nag formula na sya. I did not know na maraming support groups for BF moms and there are ways pala to increase milk supply.

    I promised myself na for our third baby (kung magbe-baby pa kami hehe) I’ll dp my best to BF him/her until mag 2 years old.

    Cheer up, mommy. You did a good job on Gabriel πŸ™‚

  12. My kids are now 11, 9, and 8 but I remember ang hirap mag breastfeed. Lalo na sa eldest ko. I was crying the whole time because I thought mali lagi gawa ko. The second time was the most difficult kasi I had UTI and medication was needed. But with my third, it was a breeze.
    Nakakamiss tuloy having a little one sa bahay. Having another baby did cross my mind and I thought, I will make it perfect na.
    Pero mahirap ang life! Haha!
    Thanks for this, sis πŸ™‚ God bless!

  13. Jen Ubongen

    I did breastfed my son for only 2 months, LDR kasi kami agad. I had to go back in Singapore for work. I still remember how painful that moment was. huhu! Anyway, after a month, agad agad, I took leave, akala ko I could breastfeed again pero wala na. Ayun.. Proud of you that you managed to breastfed for a longer time! πŸ™‚

  14. breastfeeding your first born that long is an accomplishment na, mommy. So dont feel bad.

  15. I am one of those padede mommas. Breastfed both my kids – 2 months with my first born and up to eight months with my second child.. I find it challenging talaga and I admire devoted breastfeeding moms πŸ™‚

  16. This day marks our 24 months in bf journey. Hubby and I are planning for our next baby na at yan yung isa kong alalahanin when I get pregnant, to wean my son forcefully. Ang hirap talaga, lalo na addict pa rin son ko sa milk niya.

  17. I was never able to do it 100%, I had mixed feedings with my 2 kids so weaning off was okay lang…

  18. Online mommy groups are really helpful no? 6 years ago there were a few FB groups pa lang that’s why my breastfeeding journey was challenged and ended up mixed feeding. You’re right, Bfed or not, fed is best πŸ™‚

  19. 6 years ago, there weren’t FB or mommy groups around that’s why I had a hard time in breastfeeding my daughter. Buti na lang marami na ngayon to seek support and advice. You are right, bfed or not, fed is best!

  20. I salute breastfeeding Moms! When I had my second child, I was so eager to breastfeed him. However, It was painful to the point that my nipples are bleeding. I learned later on that it was due to improper latch. Because of the lack of support and knowledge, i stopped breastfeeding. It was sad because sabi ko babawi ako sa second, but I failed. I only did it for like a month (I think). ;( It is indeed a sad thing. But you are still blessed to do it to your first born for more than a year. I wish I had more support way back then but I am learning.. So, all the best on your pregnancy. God bless.

  21. I can relate. I got pregnant with my third baby while my second is barely 2 years old. And I promised myself that I will breastfeed him until he’s two. I had to wean him because I was going through pregnancy sicknesses and all that. πŸ™ Oh how I miss having babies!

  22. Awww, weaning is probably one of the hardest things a new mother needs to do! I still clearly remember how I weaned Yuri from the breast when he was about to turn 3 because it’s not working anymore. But your case is a lot more difficult as he’s still a baby huhu. I’m sure he understands but I know that won’t take away the “kirot.” However, remember that it will get easier. Who knows? Maybe you can tandem-feed them when baby sister is already out!

  23. Weaning is one of the most difficult thing to do during my early years as a mom. I need to wean my first born because if the second child and it was hard. Now i am pregnant with our 3rd baby and the gap was 7 years. I plan to breastfeed my baby until such time that he/she is 2 years old. I hope i can do it! πŸ™‚

  24. My sister breastfed all of her kids until their 2nd year. I guess she’s lucky because she was able to do so. My other sister and my mom never had the opportunity to try it because of Medical conditions. As they always say – there is a reason for everything. Cheer up.

  25. Lhourdes Mercadero

    I breastfed Chelsea until she’s 22 months old. I need to work Na kase uli that time, kaya paminsan-minsan nalang sya nadede. lalo Na kapag pagod ako di pwede, siguro nasanay sya and started na lumakas sya kumain ng solid food.
    I think your first born will understand Mommy kung bakit kailangan ka magstop na ibreastfeed sya.

  26. Ayi

    I breastfed my kids, but my second one is mas matagal compared to my eldest. It was a tough decision, but eventually, I just have to stop. Dont worry momma. For sure your baby will be fine πŸ™‚

  27. Reading this post made me think back on those days when I was told that I need to stop breastfeeding my son as well. Before giving birth, I was already coming up with plans on how to continue breastfeeding my son once I get back to work and how to build my milk stash so he would have breastmilk whenever I am away. Unfortunately, due to my son’s two confinements during his first month, I was told by his then pedia to stop breastfeeding. It felt like I failed as a mom back then. Unfortunately, I was not able to research back in those days due to emotional stress and lack of sleep. It was when I could no longer produce milk did I learn that I could have just pumped my milk and fed him using a bottle. But that’s no longer here nor there. I am still grateful though that my now 3-year old son is healthy and thriving. πŸ™‚

  28. I breastfed my almost 3 yr old even when I when I was pregnant. There were no complications that time, though I felt a little contraction, but not enough to harm the baby siguro.
    I had to force wean him because I don’t like tandem feeding and I just didn’t feel feeding two of them. It was too much for me. Anyway, it took a week to finally wean him, but throughout the pregnance I was telling him that the milk will be for the baby not for him anymore. I tried to lessen the ‘no’ but would always explain that the baby will be hungry if he gets all the milk.
    Even until now, I know he’s adjusting because he wants to touch my skin whenever he is sleeping.
    Just provide skin contact with him as much as you can. I’ve noticed that it makes them ask less or think less of asking for milk as they feel already comforted with you around even without our milk.

  29. Kudos for being a loving mother and being consistent with your breastfeeding. I’ve breastfed 10 years ago na and I can still remember how painful it is (though for some moms, they don’t experience pain). I just wish na I had breastfed a little bit longer, baka mas hindi masungit ang mga anak ko hahaa.

  30. I may not be able to relate to the breastfeeding part because I didn’t get to do that with my son due to a medical problem, but I can definitely feel the guilt of having deprived our kid the thing that they needed the most. Hugs, mommy!

  31. When I was pregnant with my second, I had to forcibly stop bfeesing my eldest also. He was around 1.5 yrs old then. Swerte si second, he was bfed till a little before 3! I was the one who had to force him to wean!

  32. It’s really hard especially when you see your son crying but keep in mind that you stopped breastfeeding him not because you don’t want to but because you also have to take care of your health and your second baby.

  33. This is heartbreaking! But you are such a brave mom, you never stopped nurturing your child as long as you can. You only stop because it’s already a matter of life and death. Not all moms are able to breastfeed their kids for so long. I only breastfed my kids for the 1st 3 months of their lives. I have to stop because they are starving. My milk cannot satisfy them. So, two thumbs up for you, Mommy! And congrats for the baby girl πŸ˜‰

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