I can’t believe I’ve been a work-at-home mom for more than 8 months now. It seems to me that it was just a week ago only when I resigned from my corporate work.
No, I don’t miss it at all. I love the choice that I made. But truth be told, sometimes I would find myself staring, if not at my peacefully sleeping child’s face, well… at the walls of our home thinking of all the possibilities of the path I’ve chosen to take on.
For quite some time, my WAHM life has been satisfying and overwhelming. Satisfying – because I get to do other household chores instead of being stuck in the carmageddon of Manila. Overwhelming – because the list of my To Do’s doesn’t seem to wane. Hahaha!
The WAHM life is what I’ve always really wanted ever since I became a mom. When I was still working in the corporate office, I would be reading WAHM’s blogs and feel envious that they get to live their life as a mom fully while pursuing their careers at home. And of course, being able to pour their hearts out on their blogs like it’s already a lifestyle. While I, stuck in the traffic for almost 2-3 hours (that’s usually a one-way trip only) and dreaming that I could be spending those hours into something more productive instead (like writing on my blog or cooking for dinner), or cuddling with my little one.
The idea of being a full-time working mom at home was so enticing to me. And a lot of working in the office moms, if not all, are also dreaming about that kind of life. So I pushed through with it and took the risk. Because after all, I do believe in my capabilities and that I know I will be able to find something that will let me also earn for the family even though I am just at home.
And yet here I am. At home for most of the time. Still tired. Still unable to tick off everything I listed on my daily planner. Still unable to finish a blog draft without being interrupted by my toddler, or just because I am simply uninspired to write anything just because I am too exhausted already.
Most WAHMs highlight the benefits of living this kind of life as if it’s the way to live. But only a few have shared the real deal about being one.
Don’t get me wrong. I love this life! I wouldn’t want to trade it for anything else right now. But sometimes, it can get too overwhelming that I end up crying because of exhaustion. It happens. It’s the reality.
WAHM life is beautiful, yet not all the time glamorous.
I remember the feeling of envy I used to feel for other WAHMs and how I wished I was able to live that kind of life. How fearless those WAHMs for exchanging the stability and security of their office work life with the uncertainty of working remotely at home. The endless possibilities of earning bigger money through freelancing… The idea of being able to accomplish a lot more things with more time being spent at home has a big impact for someone like me who has a lot of ideas and a long list of To Do’s.
Until the time that I’ve finally decided to take on this path. I remember how happy I was that there’s no room for any negativity in my mind. Yet, after some time, I’ve realized that this life wasn’t too different to the life I used to have when I was still working in the corporate office. Right now, I think the only difference is that I am not enduring the long hours of being stuck in the traffic. I thought I would be able to have more time for myself and for my blog and be able to take care of the family, too, while also working and building a career at home. But no. I can’t even finish a blog draft because I am too tired or uninspired to do so. I can’t even shower for more than 5 minutes, max! I can’t even go out of the house for a quick mani-pedi session! Lol.
I get tired, too.
Most people see us, WAHMs and SAHMs as the lucky ones because we get to just stay at home like we’re doing nothing. Honestly, I used to have that kind of thinking, too. That somehow, the WAHMs/SAHMs are so lucky they have more time to relax after accomplishing the things they have to do. That they don’t have to battle the everyday traffic and cross the flooded roads whenever it’s rainy season. (I’m so sorry, fellow WAHMS/SAHMs!)
But that kind of thinking changed when I finally had the chance to fit into their shoes. Whether you’re a WAHM, a SAHM, or a work-in-the-office mom, the level of exhaustion is just the same. That’s why it’s so unfair when someone tags a WAHM/SAHM as someone who’s just at home doing nothing! No. Those people have no idea what those moms, including me, have to deal with – every single day. Well unless you have 10 yayas taking care of all the household chores and your kids – then maybe that’s another case. 🙂
I, in my case, am yaya-less so alam n’yo na mommies ano’ng hugot ang meron ako. Hahaha!
I would sometimes feel crazy speaking only to a toddler for more than 12 hours – in a baby-like tone of voice.
When I was still in the office, lunchtime means eating along with my officemates, relaxing while chit chatting, making the most out of that 1-hour break allowed in the office. Now that I am a WAHM, lunch time means having to chase an active toddler who can’t keep still while eating. Not to mention that he would sometimes be picky with what he eats and ignore the food I’ve prepared. So I end up thinking of another meal to cook just to get my little one to eat and fill his tummy. Lol. And I, on the other hand, would try to finish my meal as fast as possible.
Being at home with my 21 months old toddler is what happiness means to me. We get to play together, laugh together, watch movies and nursery rhymes together. We also fight sometimes. Haha! Napapagalitan ko na s’ya. But when he’s already asleep, sometimes I would feel alone. I’ve no one to talk to anymore. The baby talks are on pause and so I need to get back to work again or do other household chores waiting in line.
When the husband comes home from work, he’s tired or too distracted with his mobile games or the joystick in his hands, and I feel a bit sad. It drives me crazy when no one bothers to ask how my day was. With how I’m doing with my life. I’m an introvert so I don’t bother being alone that much. But being an introvert doesn’t mean being disconnected all the time. We only keep a few real connections and communicating with the people we care about matters to us as well.
Bottomline, I honestly thought that choosing to be a WAHM would allow me to have more time for myself than what I used to have when I was still working in the office. Turns out it’s the other way around.
When working in the office means that my manager could be around watching every move I make, now being a WAHM means working while my toddler is sitting on my lap.
He would sometimes tend to move my fingers away from the keyboard trying to play with me. There was this one time where I was in a live chat session and he was pulling my arms away so I ended up the chat like this:
Before, my shower time used to be in a rush because I am trying to leave the house as early as possible just to avoid the madness of Manila traffic and get to the office on time. Nowadays, shower times are still being done in a rush because I am afraid that my son’s already eating something he has picked up from the floor. Shower time means going to the bathroom while the baby is asleep. Shower time, sometimes, also means every other day. Hahaha!
Well, you see, there’s always something more than what meets the eye. I would occasionally post something in the social media highlighting my life as a WAHM or sharing what meal I’ve cooked for the day and it would seem like I am doing just fine being at home. But the thing is, there are still a lot behind the scenes. The details aren’t all revealed. All these that’s happening in my life are the things I didn’t expect so much when I was still hoping I could be one of those WAHMmies.
I still wish I have more time for doing other things than feeding, changing nappies and putting clothes on to my toddler and then jumping off in front of my laptop to work and earn money. I still wish I have more time for showering, resting and sleeping. I still wish I have more time for blogging or reading books or watching K-Dramas. But 24 hours is never enough in a mother’s life, I guess.
Maybe, the WAHM life becomes glamorous somehow when the time comes that the children are already at school and with that, I can have some more peace while they’re away. When they are already a bit more independent and could do things without tripping or injuring themselves, maybe that’s the time that the pressure will be unloaded from me a bit. But right now, I just have to juggle everything with my two bare hands and good thing, the husband is willing to help when he’s at home. But the moment he leaves the house to go to the office, my WAHM life becomes a roller coaster ride already. Especially for a yaya-less, with a toddler and currently pregnant with my second child WAHM like I am. HAHA!
If you’re a WAHM/SAHM reading this, then virtual hugs to you mommy! This life is tiring. But I know you’re thankful just like I am! Even beyond grateful. So cheers! 🙂
To end this, I am sharing with you the life verse I am holding on to whenever I think that life, this WAHM life’s just too much to handle already.
Live. Laugh. Love. Write. Pray.